User talk:MyCoffin
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the File:Bcnti77k7o.jpg page. Please be sure to read all of the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. You can also read some of the best stories our wiki has to offer by checking out Suggested Reading. Finally, you can check out stories written by authors of the wiki in User Stories. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! ClericofMadness (talk) 20:23, July 23, 2019 (UTC) There were quite a lot of punctuation, wording, formatting, and plot issues here which resulted in the story failing to meet our quality standards. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 20:57, July 23, 2019 (UTC) Re: Story I'm sorry, but there are a lot of issues here. The issues I highlighted above (punctuation, wording, formatting, and plot issues) are present and even if you revised/proof-read the story twice, that doesn't change the fact that these errors are still present and you've done nothing to fix them or improve the story itself. As no changes have been made, I'm going to turn down this appeal after pointing out the issues that led to the story's deletion. Please note that this is not a complete list due to the formatting of your story and the number of errors that were present. Punctuation: You frequently misplace quotations. "him. “Eugene wiped his face with his hand where the slap hit him and took out a gun. “I’ve never loved you," Additionally you fail to space between two different speakers in the same paragraph. ("“Eugene!“ "Shut up! I do not want to hear your voice! Now fetch me a glass of-”") Also, you frequently cut off paragraphs in the middle of sentences as exemplified below: Wording: There are frequent instances of awkward wording. "Kayla Fuller lived in a small family in Tallahassee, Florida.", "Now get out of my house before your guts leak lead!" (a number of the dialogue could use re-working to fix issues of awkward dialogue and unnatural wording), "In the thirty minutes that Anne left, the police came and were about to rest (sic) Eugene before he shot himself and died.", "Kayla, who had just come home from school had been hungry, for her lunch box was her father’s ashtray that Eugene had used and deposited there fully knowing that it was Kayla’s.", etc. Formatting: For reference, here's how your story is formatted due to the lack of proper spacing: . A majority of your paragraphs are awkwardly bundled together as you didn't include a full space between the paragraphs and improperly indented the paragraphs. Formatting continued: You fail to space between two different speakers in the same paragraph. ("“Eugene!“ "Shut up! I do not want to hear your voice! Now fetch me a glass of-”") Also, you frequently cut off paragraphs in the middle of sentences as exemplified below: :"“Listen to me, Eugene! I know you don’t care the least about our child, but this is brutal! Bring :back her bed at once! What if you slept on the floor? Would you be happy?”" This demonstrates a lack of proof-reading in conjunction with the fact that a majority of your other paragraphs are awkwardly combined due to lacking a space in-between them. Plot issues: Here's where a majority of there problems were. The story itself is rushed and fails to really build on the character. Take this line for example: "Some bullies were even slightly intimidated by her behavior and did not stick around her for long." What was her behavior? How did it intimidate them? Even if the audience were to infer what you meant, it'd still required description to make the story/plot engaging. Plot issues cont.: Some sections feel incredibly rushed and fail to build up the plot. "In the thirty minutes that Anne left, the police came and were about to rest Eugene before he shot himself and died." It's worth noting that this is the main antagonist in the story who drives the protagonist's actions and they're written off in the story in a single sentence without any real impact on the story or characters. Plot issues cont.: The random shifting to poetry feels forced due to its lack of inclusion earlier in the story. "Their children cry, their lovers don't buy, their blood is as clear as ink, the ink where Kayla lies. No one knows what happened to those who disrespected her lost life". Additionally the slant/awkward rhymes really detract from the overall story. There are other issues, but I think this is enough of a start to highlight some of the issues you need to focus on. As it currently stands, the story itself needs quite a lot of work and there are a number of mechanical and plot issues that need to be smoothed out. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 05:19, July 25, 2019 (UTC)